My Life As A Middle Child - Putting Together The Pieces

The one with the apology and explanation

As you probably know from Easily Amused, I am still alive and well.

Let me begin by saying... I have missed all of my blog friends and family!!! I apologize for being such an absentee blogger, but please know that I did not take anticipate the past few months and did not mean to shut all of you out of my life. I want to catch up on everyone's life and therefore, will start reading one blog at a time, but I will not be able to comment on each post.

As you may remember, my son ran away back in mid-November and returned in December. Since then, I have not been blogging as one of his complaints was that I spend too much time on the computer. I agreed that I needed to be available for him and limited my computer usage, (Also, Doodlebug will not play when I am on the computer as she wants to see the screens and type, which is very difficult and pretty much keeps me off it on Tues, Thurs and Fri nights and all day Sat.)

I also started taking him to see a counselor. The counselor had something very interesting that he told me. He said "You are to blame for some of Andrew's problem". As a parent, you realize that your child's successes and/or failures come back on you somewhat, but to be told this by a counselor, is a whole different feeling. He went on to clarify and explain that I have actually done to much for my son and that by always helping him and doing so much for him, that he now expects it and not only from me, but from everyone else as well. He also told me of this book that I should read Boundaries with Kids. I purchased the book and before I finished the first chapter, I could immediately see where I had "over" helped my child. Keep in mind, the book, counselor and myself are not saying not to do things for your children, but that there are boundaries.

Case in point, a few weeks ago, EA and I took our teenagers out with us and went shopping as her teenager needed shoes and pants for his new job. My teenager found 2 pair of cargo shorts that he wanted for school. I told him no and explained they did not fit the dress code and even went into why they didn't. He argued each point, but I kept my cool and my original response of no. (In the past, if he argued it, I would cave in.) He even went to say that he doesn't have any shorts for school. This went on and on for about 10 to 15 minutes. Finally, he stopped and moped/sulked the rest of the day. Guess what I found in his room last week? 6 pairs of shorts that do fit him and are part of the dress code. He didn't need them, he just wanted them and I almost caved, but the counselor's words and the book kept me from backing down and caving in to him.

Unfortunately, it appears that it may be too late for my son as he thinks that I owe him something and he just keeps taking and taking and never letting up. From taking money from my purse to downloading $100 worth of games, ring tones and wallpapers to his phone. When I tell him this is not acceptable and that he can't do such things, he denies them. I came home from work 2 weeks ago and found a note telling me that he couldn't live here anymore and that he had moved out.

I am hurt and sad, but even more so, I'm mad. I'm pissed off as he didn't move out, he ran away again and also at the way he has used me since he came back home in Dec. As long as I am buying him or giving him what he wants, he is fine, but as soon as I tell him no, he starts acting out. Also, if I get anything and he doesn't, he really acts up. Well, I have decided that I am done with his behavior and if he wants to live with his grandparents (on his dad's side), then so be it. I gave the transfer paperwork to his school on Friday and then spent most of Friday and Saturday evening packing his stuff for him to pick up tomorrow morning. This is one of the hardest decisions I have ever made in my life, but for my mental health, the health of my marriage, it is what must be done.

In case your wondering about Doodlebug, we will still get here our 3 nights a week and on Saturdays. He is living approximately 1 1/2 hours away and won't get to see her much, which is very sad but to be honest, he was rarely ever home before.

Sorry for such a long post my first time back, but I needed to get a few things off my chest and it always helps to type them out.

Pieces being sorted by KGrams at 2/19/2006 10:26:00 AM